i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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