Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I need a beard to bite.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
