Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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