its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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