I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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