Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
