great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
