Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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