no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
