I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize