I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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