I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
