And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
