You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
