I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
