someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
