weddingsv make me drug and hornr
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
