I'm sorry my penis didn't work
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
