We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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