And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just want to make out with him forever
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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