he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize