your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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