I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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