yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
i think my cat just said my name.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
