All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
