I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
