I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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