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You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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