i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
