I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
