Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
