No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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