I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
