he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
