id be glad to
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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