What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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