I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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