Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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