Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It's never too late to be topless.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Can you repeat that, but with context?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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