remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
