You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
it's not cheating when I paid for it
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
