dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
