How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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