this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
