i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
