xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Randomize
