You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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