And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
