hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
