The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
