Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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