the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
