Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
