On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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