i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
