In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
