If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
