Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
