i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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