Don't you send me to vm
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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