I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize