the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
