do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
