I can tuck mytits in my pants
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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