I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
