Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
