I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
