Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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